[Paula and Marty were married for 40 years. During many of those years, Marty was active in maintaining and adding to the beauty of their church, St. Francis of Assisi. May Marty’s memory be a blessing to Paula, their family and friends and to members of our Desert Interfaith council.]

In my faith, we believe we will be reunited with our loved ones. I have a picture in my mind of my husband Marty’s mother taking his face in her hands and saying to him what she said when he was a child, “Oh, boy of mine.” Rocky, his father, is calling him a nit-whit, an old dopy thing, or a wise guy. In the most loving way possible, of course. Sister Joan is out behind the garage eating the ham she knicked from the lunch sandwiches. Big Jim is glad to have his favorite brother-in-law there, and cousin Ding is waiting around the corner where Rocky can’t see him so he and Marty can get up to some more shenanigans. 

Losing someone we love is one of the most agonizing experiences we humans must endure. I read a story about a man who lost his wife of fifty-five years. His only consolation was that she went first and didn’t have to endure the anguish he was suffering. I know the feeling.

I didn’t pray much during the two years of my husband’s illness. I didn’t see the point. It would have been more like begging than praying. Pastor Jen of St. John’s Lutheran Church says, ” Everything will be alright in the end. If it is not alright, it is not the end.” We all have to die, and we knew what our end was going to be.

Marty was a good Roman Catholic boy, and it was important to me that he had a good Catholic mass, and he did. The elements of the mass seemed to take on more significance. The prayers of the faithful were more heartfelt, the smell of the incense was more fragrant, the chimes during the consecration were more melodic, the priest’s homely more meaningful. Maybe that is because he was talking about my beloved.

When we first started this journey, the prayer I did pray was, “Please, don’t let me miss the lessons.” I learned that it is alright to take things slowly. In fact, it is better. I realized that I am not in control. God, the divine, our creator, whatever you call your higher power, is, and it is acceptable to relax and not try to be in charge. People are great! They were loving, helpful, supportive, and present in many different ways.

I realized that the mass was more significant because I was fully present. I didn’t want to miss a moment. I wasn’t thinking about what I had to do next. I was in church. I will strive to bring that presence with me every time I am in church.

My other prayer when I was sad, stressed, and worried  was, “come Holy Spirit.” I always felt calmer, less stressed, and less worried after that simple prayer. I continue to pray that prayer for myself and others. Especially people, I know who are facing difficult times. I pray that prayer for you. Happy New Year.

Dr. Paula Trimble-Familetti, President, Desert Interfaith Council